


Oh No He Didn't!

by Punny



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Crack, Gakuen, Gossip, High School, Humiliation, Humor, Inappropriate Humor, M/M, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-17
Updated: 2018-06-18
Packaged: 2019-05-24 08:53:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14951523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Punny/pseuds/Punny
Summary: No one at Hetalia High School was prepared for the gossip volcano about to erupt that morning, gossip regarding Alfred F. Jones. Everyone is dying to hear the apparently embarrassing mistake that Alfred made the night before, and not even Arthur Kirkland can help his curiosity. USUK (Gakuen AU)





	1. Chapter 1

No one at Hetalia High School was prepared for the gossip volcano about to erupt in a catastrophic drama-filled explosion that morning.

The teenagers all filed into the school like any other day, all except one. Junior student Amelia Collins tore down the school’s main hallway on a mission. Because SHE had extra juicy you-don’t-wanna-miss-this type of gossip that EVERYONE had to hear about right that second.

Amelia was known to be a bit of a gossiper, but she was no liar; the words out of her mouth were always as close to the truth as she could manage, so people trusted her. Which was why, on that particular morning as Amelia shouted at all her friends spread across the hall to gather round for a huge piece of gossip regarding her sexual experience with Alfred F. Jones, they immediately surrounded her excitedly. Some random students passing by also could not resist the strange gleam in Amelia’s eye that told them that they really didn’t want to miss this story, so they all crowded around as well.

This was about Amelia’s experience with Alfred the night before; the night of their date, which happened to lead to some sexy times. The sexy times which inevitably resulted in Alfred’s downfall, since he made a rather dire mistake last night during their sexual endeavor. A mistake which would now cost him severely.

Amelia was no cold-hearted person, she understood very well what consequences telling this story would have on Alfred’s reputation and social life, but it was just too juicy not to tell. Sure, she COULD have just told a couple of her best friends in private instead of publicly in front of this crowd of people, but this was high school. Telling one person was basically telling the entire school, gossip spread fast after all. And she would rather everyone hear the REAL version from her own lips instead of the story passed down from classmate to classmate, skimping on the scandalous details and messing with the actual turn of events. She did feel a bit bad for ruining Alfred’s reputation like this, but after all, it was HIS mistake and it did have negative affects on Amelia. Of course Alfred didn’t make the mistake on purpose but that didn’t mean that Amelia’s self-confidence hadn’t taken a major hit, and come on! The mistake was just so revealing and perfect, everybody had to know about it!

“Okay guys, everyone SHUT UP!” Amelia’s voice rang out across the crowd of about 20-30 students huddled around her; everyone grew silent. “So, as some of you know, last night I went on a date with Alfred Jones. It wasn’t anything too serious, we hit up some cute little Italian place he wanted to go to, the food was pretty good, yadda yadda yadda. So that part’s not really interesting.”

“GET ON WITH IT AMELIA!”

“Shut up Michael!” Amelia straightened out her clothes. “Now, back to what I was saying. It was a decent date and everything was going well, so he invited me back to his place…”

Some resounding “ooooohs” echoed through the crowd.

“…and of course I said yes, I mean like, come on. Alfred’s really hot, so of course I’d bang him after the first date if he wanted to.”

Some guy coughed “slut” and so Amelia’s best friend punched him in the stomach.

“So the two of us go back to his place, and his room is kinda like, what I would expect for Alfred’s room. American flags, posters of superheroes, all that nonsense.”

Amelia flipped her hair a bit as the crowd shuffled closer to hear the good part. Other students were trying to listen inconspicuously from a short distance; even the student body president couldn’t help but desire to overhear what the ‘super ultra delicious gossip about Alfred F. Jones’ was. The student body president, Arthur Kirkland, was currently peaking his head out from around a corner, trying to appear that he wasn’t desperately curious what mistake Alfred had made last night while having sex with Amelia. He strained his ears to hear the story better.

“So Alfred tries to set the mood, right? Like he turns off the lights and opens the curtains so only the moonlight gets in. And he’s looking at me with this sexy smirk so I’m like swooning at that point. He starts moving in closer and kisses me really passionately, and I’m thinking like wow, he must’ve had a shit load of experience. But I try to stop thinking about that and I kiss him back. He’s like kissing me everywhere and starts gently taking my clothes off, starting with my top. So at this point I’m really horny and—“

“AMELIA! Just tell us what he did! We don’t need all the raunchy details!” A particularly-prude student yelled out before Amelia divulged too much about the foreplay.

“Ugh okay fine. You guys are lame. I’ll skip all the beginning stuff. Basically we start having sex and he’s been really good up to that point. We’re both naked and he wants me to get on all fours and screw me from behind, and I’d never actually done that position before so I’m thinking like ‘eh okay I guess I can roll with this’. So I get on all fours for him and we start doin’ it doggy style, he’s got a hand on my hair pressing me into the pillow which I think is pretty sexy and I’m moaning and all that so he presses my head harder and tells me to keep my voice low just in case his parents come home early. So I’m like, okay fine, so I try to quiet down and still enjoy it. And I’m sure everyone knows how strong Alfred is, right?”  


A collective nod came from the crowd.

“So like he’s using all his strength to screw me, and it feels so amazing as he’s holding onto my hips with a bruising force and the sweat starts to trail down our conjoined bodies and—hey! That was pretty good, I should write an erotica novel or something.” Amelia smiled as she stared off into space tapping her chin.

“THEN WHAT HAPPENED!”

“Oh right. So he’s thrusting super hard and it obviously feels really good for both of us and then HE starts moaning really loudly even though he had told ME not to make any noise! But at that point I was like delirious from pleasure so I didn’t think much of it. So he’s moaning really loud and holding onto me and pounding me and I’m grasping onto the sheets on his bed as this is going on for a few more minutes. Eventually I knew I was done for so I cum pretty hard as I bite onto the pillow to stop myself from making noise, as per Alfred’s earlier request. And I can feel Alfred nearing his completion so I clench up a little bit so it’s more enjoyable for him, and all of a sudden he’s grabs my hips so tight and thrusts into me insanely hard One. Last. Time.”

“YEAH??!” the crowd bellowed invitingly.

“He lost himself. He was completely undone. He was finally orgasming. And ya know what name he shouted out as he came???”

Every individual leaned closer to Amelia. Eyes were wide and ears were concentrating only on Amelia’s voice. Amelia’s best friends were practically hanging onto her arms. Student body president Arthur Kirkland came around his corner completely to wait for Amelia to finish this apparent all-time-biggest-gossip-of-high-school-ever story.

“You guys wanna know what name Alfred shouted out? If you’re thinking it was my name, then oh no, you’d be wrong. Because if Alfred HAD shouted out my name, then I wouldn’t even be telling all of you this story today. No, Alfred did not say my name.” A scowl permeated Amelia’s usually blasé expression. Everyone waited with bated breath.

“He shouted out ARTHUR!” Loud gasps were heard all around her. “HE SHOUTED OUT ARTHUR!!! There is only ONE Arthur in this school, I’m sure you all know!! And that would be Arthur Kirkland!! Alfred shouted out HIS name while having sex with ME! And so suddenly it all made sense why Alfred wanted to do doggie style, he didn’t want to see my face so he could indulge in his little fantasy of screwing ARTHUR!! It also made sense why he didn’t want me to make any noise, so that he could more easily pretend that he was doing Arthur instead of me!”

By this point the entire crowd was gaping and completely soundless, the gears all turning in their minds at an incredibly slow pace. Arthur himself had gone as white as a ghost and quickly hid himself back around the corner he was originally stationed at, he didn’t want to be seen by the crowd at the moment but he also wanted to hear the rest of what Amelia had to say.

“By the time Alfred came down from his high, I turned around to face him in utter shock and I saw the exact moment where he realized his mistake. He looked up at my face so quick I swear he got whiplash, with an expression of complete horror. I smacked his face so hard I think he started bleeding. But like come on! I don’t feel that bad for slapping him because he’s supposed to be thinking about me while we’re having sex, not someone else! Especially if that someone else happens to be a guy!”

The crowd was mystified. Everything they knew about high school had instantaneously been proved wrong. The captain of their championship-winning high school football team was fantasizing about having sex with a guy?? Not just any guy, but the stodgy student body president??? Was Alfred actually gay???? Alfred had a crush on super-lame Arthur Kirkland????? BUT WHAT DID THIS MEAN?!?! The students bemoaned, some gripping onto their faces in confusion, others unmoving and not breathing any longer for fear the world’s balance would tip if they did. Nothing in their lives made sense anymore. Nothing. This was it. This was the end of any strain of sanity in their high school careers. Because if mega-athletic-hottie-stud Alfred F. Jones secretly liked men this whole time, what other 100% facts they believed were true were actually a lie?

Amelia stood at the front of the crowd still, allowing them time to process this new information. She knew how life-changing it all was, since she went through the same thing last night after Alfred’s mistake. After slapping him, she had thrown her clothes on at an alarming speed, neither one of them speaking to each other the whole time. Alfred was still clutching his stinging cheek by the time Amelia stormed out of his room and away from his house. At least she didn’t live too far that she was able to walk home and sort out her thoughts about what had just transpired. She was so lost in her own mind she didn’t even realize her shoes were on the wrong feet. The whole situation was so strange and salacious, that she knew she had to tell everyone about it, which was why she was currently being pelted with questions from her best friends after everyone had time to take it all in.

“Wait! So did Alfred say anything after he yelled out Arthur’s name?”

  
“Maybe it was a different Arthur! Maybe he knows another Arthur from camp or something!”

“Hold on, I thought Alfred and Arthur hated each other! They’re always arguing.”

“This is going to make the best story in the Hetalia High School Newspaper! I can’t wait to write up the article!”

“GUYS GUYS CALM DOWN!” Amelia yelled over their frantic shrieking, slightly regretting telling so many people publicly. “I’m sure Alfred knows damn well that I didn’t keep his slip-up a secret. He’s probably still in a state of shock since last night. Just let him be for a while, okay?”

“But I’m going to need to interview him for this new article I’m gonna wri—“

“Tiffany, please. C’mon, let him be for today. His reputation is going to be in shambles as it is, but I just couldn’t keep this a secret! Plus that was a total hit to my self-esteem; if I wasn’t so intrigued by this whole ‘Arthur’ thing then I would be really upset! But regardless, I do feel sorry for him for accidentally digging his own grave, so try not to make this worse on him. Alright?”

Her friends nodded numbly, just as the morning bell for first period went off throughout the school. Most of the crowd had dispersed at that point, probably off to reveal to their friends the knowledge they had just acquired. The rest of them started to slowly walk to their designated classes, completely aware how dull the lessons would be compared to the juicy gossip Amelia had granted them.

And then there was poor Arthur Kirkland, still immobile with a hand clutching his heart struggling to calm himself down. He was so shocked by the news and he had no idea how to go about addressing it. Should he address it? Should he approach Alfred and ask if that’s what actually happened? He already knew the answer, Amelia was no liar, so what she had said was most likely the whole truth. As the halls became increasingly empty, the second bell rang, indicating that all students should be in their respective classes by that point, and any student who walked in after that point would be marked tardy. For the first time, Arthur had no care as he strolled torpidly into class that day, because his mind was muddled with thoughts of Alfred and the realization that all his previous wistful fantasies may actually become a reality.

Arthur smiled dreamily, unknowing of the disapproving look of his teacher as she marked Arthur’s first-ever tardy on his attendance record.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alfred must find a way to make it through the school day after his slip up the night before, and it won't be easy...

_Ohgodohgodohgod. Shitshitshitshit. Holy crap what am I gonna dooo ohgodohgod._

This was the thought pattern that Alfred had adopted since the incident the night prior. He hadn't slept a wink the entire night, and now he was suffering from exhaustion AND embarrassment.

He was currently in his first period class early, head in his hands sitting in the back of the classroom. He prayed no one would come over to him or try to talk to him that morning, but he knew how slim a chance that was. People ALWAYS wanted to talk to him. Alfred was positive Amelia had at least told her friends what he did last night, and gossip spread quickly in this school. Soon enough everyone would know that he, Alfred Jones, captain of the football team, had screamed out the student body president's name instead of Amelia's while having sex.

He was such an idiot; he should've known he'd slip up eventually. Like seriously, he'd been crushing on Arthur for like, 3 years at that point. He just wasn't prepared to fail so spectacularly. He knew he wanted to at least muster the courage to ask the guy out eventually, but in no way was he prepared to have Arthur find out second-handedly that he was the main subject of Alfred's fantasies. He knew Arthur was going to find out this fact one way or another sometime that day, if he hadn't heard already.

Alfred slouched even farther into his chair. If it weren’t for his stupid geometry test that day, he would’ve totally skipped school entirely. But of course this particular test counted for like, a fourth of his final grade! He had no choice but to begrudgingly drive to school that day, knowing it would be torture. All he had to do was take the stupid test, not stand out too much, make sure he didn’t see Arthur or Amelia, and make it home safe and sound after the final bell. Yes, that’s all he had to do. Piece of cake. Righto.

But there was no way he’d even be able to concentrate on the test with how much he was freaking out that day! _Okay, calm down. No eye contact with anyone._ Students began to file into the classroom, much to Alfred’s chagrin. He still hadn’t mentally prepared himself yet. Maybe he’d call it the Ultimate Day of Hell, or Panic Attack Central, or Social Exile Extravaganza. Eh, he’d think of it later, right now he was too busy pulling his hood over his head and securing the drawstrings tightly so that his hood obscured most of his face. 

Tiffany, head of the newspaper committee, spotted Alfred first and sauntered her way to the back of the classroom to join him.

She tapped him on the shoulder, cheeky grin spread across her face. "Helloooo, Alfred!" She started. "How are you today?" 

About 20 seconds passed with no response from Alfred, and even though his hood covered most of his entire face it looked like his body was trying to melt into the rigid blue chair. "Oh c’mon Alfred! At least answer me! I just wanna chat." 

"Not really in the mood today, Tiffany. Please go." 

She huffed at him and narrowed her eyes. No one brushed her aside just like that. "I just wanted to tell you about a new burger place that opened in town!" 

At that, Alfred's head shot up and he undid the drawstrings of his sweatshirt and pulled the hood away from his face, he couldn't breathe in that thing anyway. "Really?? Oh my god, where?!" He exclaimed in excited awe. 

"Okay so now that I have your attention, I'd like to start conducting the 8:05 am interview I scheduled for you this morning." 

"....what...." Alfred's posture sunk again, realizing he'd been played. "Uh, I didn't consent to any interview, Tiffany." As he looked her over he noticed the pen behind her ear and the clipboard with notepaper attached to it resting on her lap. She looked very official. Like the perfect interviewer *cough* life ruiner *cough*. 

"Let's begin. Question number one, exactly how gay are you for Arthur Kirkland? Any percentage will do." She smiled with crazy eyes. "And don't worry, whatever you tell me is completely confidential! So make sure you give me as many details as possible."

_Bullshit,_ Alfred thought. Perhaps it would be best to chance skipping his classes and only attending his geometry test later that day. That way, he could avoid as many people as possible. Perfect. Good idea Alfred.

He bolted upright, grabbed his backpack and flew out of the classroom. Tiffany could kiss his ass before she got any information out of him. And for anyone confused, Tiffany would never be allowed anywhere near Alfred's perfect ass. He heard her squawk indignantly after his escape but he did not stop until he had made it safely down the hallway and into a small broom closet.

Hopefully no custodians would need a broom or something from in there. He kicked some dustpans out of the way and was pleased to find a chair occupying some space in the broom closet. With the door shut tight, he deemed it safe to rest on the chair in peace. What he didn’t realize was that the chair only had three legs, hence it being tucked away in a closet, and by resting his entire weight on the chair he ended up toppling over face-first into a mop. And it was still a little wet, and it touched his mouth EW. It kind of tasted like that one time he mixed grape juice and milk together in second grade because he was curious what it would taste like. It ended up becoming his biggest regret, well then again, the whole Arthur Amelia Sex Name Mixup the day before was probably worse than that, but still, milky grape juice was pretty nasty.

He decided to try to sit on the three-legged chair once more, this time being mindful not to rest too much weight on the wrong side. It was really dark in that broom closet; Alfred hated the dark, but he also felt a lot safer in there than he did anywhere else at the moment. Still, he knew he had to come out of the closet eventually, and he was not looking forward to it. Oh shit, he didn’t mean that in a gay kind of way! He meant literally! UGH he wasn’t even safe in his own thoughts anymore. He couldn’t get away from the gay. 

The final bell for first period rang. He had never skipped classes like this before, how badass of him. The minutes strolled on in that dark closet and Alfred became increasingly bored, so he decided to play with his phone to entertain him.  After intense games of Candy Crush, Angry Birds, Fruit Ninja, and Pocket Frogs, he checked the clock to see how much time had gone by. _ONLY FIVE MINUTES!?! CRAP!_ This day was gonna suck big fat monkey dick.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The whole grape juice milk thing is a personal story of mine from second grade that I decided to throw in there, and at the time YES it was the biggest mistake of my life.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amelia attempts to fix the problem she caused through matchmaking. Will her attempts succeed?

This was not how Amelia planned the day to go. She knew people would be intrigued by the whole scandalous Alfred event, but she didn't realize how insane it would make everyone! She now felt super guilty for ever spilling the beans in the first place. Alfred wasn't actually a bad guy...he just made a fatal mistake that there was absolutely no way to recover from. But he still didn't deserve all the awful things the school population was saying about him. She hadn't even spotted Alfred at all that morning, which was weird since he was usually loudly talking or laughing with his friends in the halls.

After hearing all the terrible opinions all her classmates had on the situation, the only person Amelia was actually curious about was Arthur. Was he grossed out? Flattered? Was he even into guys? I mean like, Amelia's gaydar went off whenever she was around him, especially when he wore those tight pants and the occasional v-neck shirt. Like, what kind of guy would do that? Gay.

So maybe Arthur was flattered that Alfred was thinking about him in bed. Maybe he liked Alfred after all. Basically the entire school as a whole liked Alfred so it wouldn't be a surprise. Amelia was lucky enough to make it to the front runners on actually scoring a date with him, whereas most girls hopelessly pined after him with lovesick hearts and creepy smiles. It was actually kinda like a high school crowning achievement, going out with one of the hottest guys at school. Amelia thought about making herself a medal: 'Got to Homebase with Alfred Jones, Even Though He Wasn't Thinking About Me While We Were Doing it But it Still Counted'. Actually Amelia wasn't too sure if that would even fit on a medal, I guess she'd have to find out.

Regardless, if she couldn't find Alfred to set things right, she would just have to find Arthur instead. And she knew exactly where to look: the student council room. Sure enough, Arthur was sitting at his desk, countless papers and binders spread out before him. He clearly had a ton of work to do, but instead of actually doing anything productive, he was staring dreamily at the far wall with a tiny smile on his face and half lidded eyes. Usually he was hyper-aware of everything going on around him, never one to be caught off guard, but this time he hadn't even noticed Amelia had come into the room. Amelia smirked. If that enchanted expression meant anything at all, it showed her that Arthur really did like Alfred and that Amelia's gaydar was spot-on. She began concocting a plan that would ease her guilt for ruining Alfred's reputation and play matchmaker at the same time. She loved playing matchmaker!

After clearing her throat loudly, she watched Arthur jump out of his seat in shock, clearly not expecting Amelia to be standing right next to him.

"Arthur! Just the guy I wanted to see!" she began. Arthur's face immediately turned into one of suspicion.

"Whatever it is you want, the answer is no. I can already see that you are up to no good."

A metaphorical halo appeared over Amelia's head. "What is that supposed to mean?? I'm not doing anything bad! I just.... need your help with something important!" 

Arthur's eyes narrowed further. "Mm. Right. And what would that be exactly?"

This was going to be harder than Amelia thought. Then again, everyone knew Arthur was incredibly stubborn. Looks like she would have to explain everything. "Okay so the thing is, I told a really embarrassing story about Alfred to a lot of classmates earlier today...."

"..Yes. I'm aware."

"And I really didn't mean for it to spiral out of control the way it did! Like I knew people would talk about it but I still feel awful about throwing Alfred head-first into social exile like that!"

Arthur was growing less and less amused. "Really now. You had absolutely no idea what the repercussions of your actions would be?"

"Stop using big words. Anyway, so I feel really bad about it and I need your help."

"Uh huh. Well I hate to be the bearer of bad news Amelia, but you created this mess and you can't skimp away from the consequences by forcing your problems on other people. I'm afraid you're on your own with this. Now if you'll excuse me.." Arthur started to get up to shoo Amelia away from the room so he could shut the door. Amelia would have none of that.

"I know you like him."

Arthur sputtered and his face grew red. "What in God's name are you talking about??"

Another smirk. She had him now. "I know for a fact that you have the hots for Alfred Jones. And I also know for a fact that Alfred Jones has the hots for you, if him yelling out your name during sex is any indication."

Arthur became even redder. With all the insanity that day, he had nearly forgotten that it was AMELIA who had slept with Alfred and it was AMELIA who heard Arthur's name instead of her own come from Alfred's lips. How had he managed to block that part out of his memory to only focus on the part where Alfred was clearly having fantasies about him? Oh Gods.....

"...Alright...so what?"

"SOOO that means I'm going to be a super awesome person and set you two up! To make up for humiliating him. That way everybody wins!" Amelia paused for dramatic effect. "And there's nothing you can say that will get you out of this so you better start agreeing to my plan now so we don't waste anymore time."

Arthur considered his options, green eyes assessing every twitch of Amelia's face to see if there was any falsehood in her statements. He found none. Grumbling, he conceded defeat. "Fine. What do you suppose we do then?"

She grabbed his arm and started to pull him out of the student council room and down the hall. "We have to find Alfred of course! I heard from my friend Tiffany that she saw Alfred in first period, but then he ran out of the room. She wouldn't tell me why he bolted but it probably had something to do with her. So anyways, I have a feeling Alfred is hiding somewhere in school. We just have to hunt him down!"

Arthur, still being pulled around the hallways like a ragdoll, paled considerably. "But! He could be anywhere! And I have no idea what to say to him if we DO find him! Maybe he went home or something." Arthur was not usually one to shy away from a challenge, but this was the sort of situation he had almost no experience in. He had been crushing on Alfred for years now, and now he might actually have a chance with him. But at what cost? He wasn't prepared to deal with the eruption of gossip that would inevitably ensue if they started going out. Augh, why must everything be so complicated?

"Dudeee, come on! You gotta calm down!" Amelia grabbed both of his arms and looked him square in the eye. "Leave the talking to me once we actually find the sneaky bastard. I know he's around here somewhere. Everything's gonna work out just fine, you'll see!" Arthur was doubtful.

Minutes dragged on as they searched empty classrooms, men's restrooms (Arthur went in, not Amelia obvs!), and the occasional boiler room. This was taking forever. "Alright lemme think for a second. If I were Alfred where would I hide...." Just then, a freshman student by the name of Raivis crashed into them after running around a corner.

"Eek! Oh my, I'm so sorry!"

Arthur was rubbing his shoulder where Raivis had careened into him. "Watch where you're going! Honestly, there is no running in the hallways!"

"I know, I know! I just, heard some strange grumblings coming from the broom closet down the hall and it really creeped me out!" Amelia and Arthur shared a look.

"What do you mean 'strange grumblings?'" Amelia was suddenly very interested. She was like a detective about to solve a crucial mystery! In this scenario Arthur was her sidekick.

Raivis looked a bit cornered. "I'm not sure exactly..I just heard some noises coming from inside the closet while I was walking by. It was pretty loud and sounded like a goblin." He looked like he was about to tear up.

"Alright, thanks!" Amelia grabbed Arthur's unsuspecting arm again and whisked him away down the hall where Raivis had come from, leaving the poor freshman standing there confused and alone.

The two approached the broom closet delicately, embodying the very definition of discretion and stealth. At last, after getting the 'go ahead' look from Arthur, Amelia grabbed the handle and yanked the door to the closet wide open.

Sure enough, after the inside of the broom closet was revealed, Alfred's head shot up, his body flailed, and his chair tipped to the side at such an alarming rate that the poor boy ended up faceplanting into a dirty mop. "AHH! Not again!!" Alfred struggled to stand up after his fumble, muttering curses and adjusting his glasses until he looked a little more put together. Once he got a good look at Arthur and Amelia standing in front of him, however, he went completely pale and made to grab the closet door to once again shut himself in there, his secret hideaway. Unfortunately for him, Amelia deliberately held the door away from him, leaving Alfred unprotected and vulnerable. He started to tremble. Of course the two people he did not want to see that day were right there. In front of him. Together. Life just loved fucking with him didn't it. Woopdee doo for him!

"Alfred, before you freak out, I just want to let you know that we're going to fix this! Everything will be okay, I promise!" Amelia was so good with this pep talk thing, she should be a therapist or something.

"HAHAHA okay yeah well I'm already past the point of freaking out, so you're a little late with that one!" It was clear by the nervous laughter and fast talking that Alfred was unraveling, he didn't know what to do with himself, and there was no way he was going to look up at Arthur. A hand was placed on his shoulder, Amelia's hand. Why does everyone's name start with A?

"Hey now I know this is a tough day for you, and before you say anything I want you to know that I'm really really sorry that the whole school knows what happened last night. I'm still a little pissed at you for not thinking about ME when we...well you know. But still. I'm sorry. So Arthur and I wanted to find you and-"

"How did you find me anyway?? I thought that hiding spot was really good!"

Amelia continued, not liking being interrupted, "Someone heard grumbling coming from the closet you were in."

Alfred's eyes widened. "ARGG that's only because I'm like, super hungry right now! I usually have my mid-morning snack by now but it's in my locker and so I had to skip it! I couldn't help my stomach growling so loud! I'm literally starving to death right now."

Arthur rolled his eyes at the dramatics and Alfred finally spared a glance at him. Arthur had yet to speak and that made Alfred even more nervous, he definitely did not want to hear what the student body president thought of him now. The two of them weren't exactly close, weren't really considered friends, maybe just acquaintances/frienemies. They would bicker a lot during school but it wasn't hostile or anything, mostly it was lighthearted quips thrown from both sides. Now that Alfred's super secret was out, would Arthur ignore him for the rest of their high school career? Was this the end of whatever they didn't have in the first place? Alfred was growing more and more upset thinking about it. Thankfully, Amelia came to the rescue as always. 

She nudged Arthur a little closer to Alfred and gestured for him to say something. Arthur immediately backed away. "You said you would handle the talking!!" he stated angrily through clenched teeth. 

Amelia smiled. "Yeah, I did the introduction. Now you take it from here!"

He scowled and looked at Alfred for a split second before blushing profusely. He inhaled and began, "Listen...Alfred...I, uh. Well, you see...that is to say, um...."

Alfred was hanging on to every utterance Arthur spoke but Amelia could quickly see this wasn't going anywhere. She decided to have mercy on Arthur and take the reins of the conversation once again. "Alright here's the deal, Alfred, buddy, my main pal. This is what's gonna happen. You two are going to go on a date since you both like each other. And it needs to be today so you guys don't have a lot of time to freak out about it. After school you'll go for a stroll in the park or something. Nice and lowkey. Maybe afterward you can go get a bite to eat somewhere. Then Alfred will walk Arthur home and you'll share a goodnight kiss. Sounds good right? Man, I really should start writing fanfiction or something! That sounds like a really nice date!"

The two boys looked at one another, confused and somehow elated at the same time, mostly from Alfred's side. He heard Amelia's spiel but what stood out most was the 'since you both like each other' part. "Is that true, Arthur? Do you really...like me too?" 

Well, no point in lying. "Um. Maybe. I suppose. I mean, sort of. I think. No, not 'I think'." Arthur made a garbling sound of frustration and attempted that again, "Yes. Alright, yes. I have feelings for you as well… perhaps." Well, that was good enough for Alfred! He swooped in and gave Arthur a huge hug, smiling happily against Arthur's rigid body. Amelia watched the scene fondly, but then she remembered her quest was not over. She may have brought the two love birds together, but that still didn't solve the whole reputation thing.

"Sorry to disturb this beautiful moment, but we have other things to discuss as well."

Reluctantly, Alfred unwrapped his arms from around Arthur. "Okay what is it?"

"I still feel really bad about all the gossip going around, so I'm trying to think of a way to fix it. Ah! I got it, how about I just tell everyone that I misheard you last night? I'll tell everyone that you really didn't yell out 'Arthur' but something else instead? That would work, right??"

"I don't think so, nothing really sounds like 'Arthur'."

"There has to be something that sounds like it! Hmmmmm, oh! How about 'Aardvark'! That sounds like 'Arthur'!!"

"Why the bloody hell would he yell out Aardvark while climaxing?? That makes absolutely no sense!"

"Arthritis? Artery? Absorptiometer? And before you ask, yes, that last one is a word; I learned about it in science class."

Arthur brought two fingers to pinch at the bridge of his nose. He had no time for this. "Listen, that plan will not work. It wouldn't make sense for him to have yelled out something other than my name, especially if the two of us start dating!" Alfred blushed upon hearing that, the prospect of actually being with Arthur was still sinking in.

"Okay fine, I'll think of something later," she paused, "And I'll leave you two alone for a bit before the next bell rings and all the students crowd the hallways again. You guys might wanna go somewhere private". She winked. "Oh and if you think you guys are getting out of going on that date later, I'll hunt you both down."

"To be honest, I can't tell if you're being nice or completely crazy," Alfred replied, watching her walk away. 

"Probably both," Arthur muttered next to him.  
"In any case, we appreciate your help, Amelia! Thanks for bringing us together!" Alfred put his arm around Arthur and brought him close. Amelia grinned and gave them small nod and a "no probs, buddy!" as she disappeared around a corner, leaving the two of them alone, or so they thought.  


Their ensuing snogging session appeared on the front page of the school newspaper the next day, thanks to Tiffany who had been hiding behind a corner during the entire exchange. But that was okay, because even though the picture of the pair making out was now out in public, the gossip and drama eventually sizzled out thanks to Amelia threatening to spread rumors about whoever thought it was okay to speak negatively about Arthur and Alfred. She was like their own personal protector. Yes, things certainly worked out very well for the two boys, and luckily for Alfred, he never yelled out the wrong name during sex ever again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story was so much fun to write, it's total crack but I like that my crazy humor was weaved into it XD

**Author's Note:**

> This story was originally written in 2014. And it's total crack so don't take it too seriously XD


End file.
